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Birmingham Restaurant Week, or How I learned to stop worrying and buy bigger pants

Ahh, Birmingham Restaurant Week. You came and went too quickly.

For 10 glorious days, restaurant-goers in one of the fattest states in America could gorge themselves on much better food.

We were still giving ourselves diabetes, but a much higher class of diabetes; the kind of diabetes that knows which fork to use first in restaurants like Bottega and makes snide remarks about English majors.

For $30, $20, or $10, average Joes could wander into the finest restaurants in Birmingham and walk out stuffed with three courses of goodness. Here's part one of the rundown on my extended week of gluttony:

14 hours in Tel Aviv

How much can you really learn about a city in 14 hours? Not much, especially when at least half that time will be dedicated to curing jet lag after escaping a deadly tornado by only a couple of hours on our journey to Israel.

Tel Aviv was the first stop on our Israeli adventure, and while it wasn't the highlight of our travel package, this Mediterranean beach town would not at all be a bad place to spend a weekend of R&R.

"If I could stay in Tel Aviv full-time, I absolutely would," said a flight attendant on our flight from JFK to Ben Gurion Airport in TA. She looked to be in her mid-30s, had clearly seen her share of beach towns and bar crawls across the world, and if she would pick this town as a permanent location, there was probably something more to it than merely a jumping off point to all the major religious attractions.

Our company tour guide said that while Jerusalem is the religious center of Israel (and, I suppose, the world), Tel Aviv was the place of excitement, always hopping. He compared it to New York City (although obviously a lot smaller). It reminded me a lot of some of the coastal towns in Greece, with lively restaurants, cafes, bars lining an extensive boardwalk where the ocean meets the land. There are actual sandy beaches in Tel Aviv though, a rarity in Greece.

It was also hard to ignore the hundreds of small, business-card sized ads showing only photos of voluptuous women in lingerie and displaying a phone number littered throughout many city streets. Someone in our group speculated that these were merely creative advertisements for realtors or hairdressers, but the evidence seems stacked against that hypothesis. On some street corners, you couldn't cross the street without walking on them. Quite - I would hope - different from Jerusalem, where in a few short days I'll be walking through the gate where Jesus entered the city walking over palm fronds to give us Palm Sunday.

In addition to the restaurants and bars, Tel Aviv had nice public beaches with lounge chairs, volleyball nets, even exercise equipment all available for public use. Bikes and motorbikes battled with pedestrians for right of way along the promenade, and joggers bounded through the painfully slow gawking tourists and speeding cyclists.

We only had time for a brief stroll through the seaside town before dinner, and another one after. Tel Aviv at night was an incredible array of light shows, both man-made and naturally-occuring. Lightning flashed over the Mediterranean, as we wandered aimlessly through a maze of neon red, blue and green signs and fake palm trees lined with strings of lights. More photos on my Facebook page.

Now, finally, time for bed. Tomorrow it's off to Nazareth, Acre, Caesarea and Cana, the site of Jesus' first miracle.

How to find a job in the media, or die trying

Finding a job in the media is not as easy as it used to be, but it's not quite the Great Depression either. You probably won't get paid as much as you could in some other walks of life, but working in the media can provide you with a career full of excitement and satisfaction. If you're looking to get rich quick, or coast to a comfortable living, you might want to try other industries.

President's Day 2011: Hailing all 43 chiefs one-by-one

On Presidents' Day 2011, I usurped all my friends' social media feeds to honor each U.S. president in his own special way. Here is the full list of those honors, grouped by category:

My personal favorites:

In honor of Dwight D. Eisenhower, I will successfully invade a German chocolate cake. #presidentsdaytribute

In honor of George H.W. Bush, I will dine at a Japanese steakhouse tonight. You might not want to sit next to me. #presidentsdaytribute

In honor of Thomas Jefferson, whose second vice-president was named George Clinton, I will increase the funk. #presidentsdaytribute

In honor of Millard Fillmore, who joined the "Know Nothing" movement after his term, I will watch an hour of E!. #presidentsdaytribute

In honor of Zachary Taylor, exhumed in 1991 to see if he had been poisoned, I will @Netflix "Conspiracy Theory." #presidentsdaytribute

We've been exposed

I couldn't help but share this comment I got on one of my al.com posts today.

I believe this story may have something to do with advertising revenue for the al.com site. ... It's possible that the more hits (including posted comments) this site gets the more attractive their pitch is to potential advertisers (like Blue Cross or Regions). I really believe that the original story and the follow up are an attempt to just generate hits to the site. ... tHEN YOU CAN PROMOTE YOURSELF TO ADVERTISERS AT A HIGHER PRICE. I WOULD LIKE TO SEE A B'HAM NEWS AND AL.COM RESPONSE TO MY ASSERTION.

My response: Yep. You caught us. The veil has been lifted, and you've seen the Wizard behind the curtain. You have our permission to tell all your conspiracy-nut friends that The Birmingham News and al.com are deviously trying to make a profit from the delivery of news. 

Media geek out at the Georgia Dome

So, I'm sitting at a table eating my lunch in the press box at the Georgia Dome when I'm joined by Dan Wetzel of Yahoo! Sports and Pete Thamel of The New York Times. They sit right across from me. A few minutes later, Clay Travis and Andy Staples join us.

Without realizing it, I'm sitting with four of the big boys on the national scene who were breaking the Cam Newton scandal story. Of course, they all talked about Newton for a few minutes, swapping stories of who they've talked to and what they said, the crazy NCAA ruling that came down this week and the ripples it might have. Musings about how asking for money is not a violation, but "agreeing to receive" money is.

From there, the conversation transitioned over to crazy Auburn people and media members who only write what their readers want to hear, and how a person can reasonably believe that Newton had no knowledge he was being shopped or that Mississippi State of all places was the only school that Cecil Newton asked for money.

Seated directly behind was Phillip Marshall, lifer on the AU beat and unrepentent Auburn apologist. Marshall is pretty much the epitome of all that the four national columnists at my table were complaining about. His column headline after the NCAA reinstated Newton was something along the lines of "The nightmare is over." Clearly staying objective there, PMarsh.

After about 15 minutes on Newton, the conversation drifted back to the writers' children, how much more difficult the second child's arrival was than the the first, travel arrangements in all corners of the country, normal things like that.

I'm not sure what I expected, but after 20 minutes, the conversation was pretty much like any group of guys gathering around over a few beers. No matter who these guys work for or how many people read their last column, the vast majority of these sports guys are pretty much the same. It's cool to be reminded of that from time to time.

Scoping out ESPN's 3D broadcast of the Auburn-Clemson game

As I was doing my thing at the Auburn-Clemson game Saturday, I got a sneak peek at ESPN's 3D football-broadcasting operation.

The 3D sideline cameras were quite an elaborate setup. The basic principle is that the camera has two lenses, which function more or less like human eyes, providing depth perception. I snapped a couple of quick photos of the operation during the game (sorry they're not great, but I did have a job to do).

As you can see in the photo, the camera is a shoulder-mount, and it looks really uncomfortable. There are more wires running out of it than you'd find in your average Best Buy.

The controls are also noticeably different. It's hard to see in this photo, but there are two handles on the front of the camera, with what appeared to be zoom and focus controls for each lens. I'm not sure how the display works, but I'm guessing each eye sees the image from one lens.

Maybe they've engineered a better way to do it, but it seems like the camera man has twice as much work to do in keeping both lenses zoomed properly and in focus. I have enough trouble using one lens during football games, and would not look forward to operating a 3D camera that had twice as many opportunities to ruin my shot.

Speaking of jobs I would not want to have, check out the camera assistant:

All those cables from the 3D camera have to go somewhere, and that somewhere is this kid's back. He was following the cameraman around all game long, mostly crouching on the field with that ridiculous pack on his back. It reminded me of the Ghostbusters' proton packs, but bigger and heavier (I'm assuming).

There were two large white boxes, the size of an average desktop computer, along with what looked like a power supply and a handful of boxes and gizmos I couldn't identify. As if that weren't enough, there was a short cable connecting him to the camera operator, and a much longer cable dragging behind him sending the feed to ESPN producers. Four hours carrying a heavy load, crouching in uncomfortable positions, while tethered to something at both ends is not my idea of a good time.

Fortunately, I didn't just see how the sausage was made. I also got to try a bite. ESPN had set up a 3D display by the food line in the press box, complete with community glasses, and most of the reporters there tried it out, at least for a series or two.

The people at the Worldwide Leader are convinced that 3D will be the next big thing in watching sports. I remain unconvinced. I only watched a few plays in 3D (again, I had a job to do), and while it was kind of cool to see depth to the picture, I'd hardly call it revolutionary.

All the wide shots of the stadium, or shots from the sideline looked basically the same. The 3D effect was a lot more noticable in shots from the end zone, and close-ups of the action. Fans in the stands looked distorted on those wide shots.

The 3D experience did make me sympathize with quarterbacks a bit more, as blitzing linebackers are decidedly scarier in three dimensions than in two. I also felt like I was playing a video game during replays, wondering why Cam Newton didn't execute the spin move when I was clearly mashing the Triangle button.

The most jarring impact of 3D was felt with the ESPN graphics, which clearly stood out from the rest of the footage. When the ESPN logo came on the screen, it seemed to come from directly over my head, and almost made me duck to avoid these terrifying transitions.

Maybe if I watch a whole game in 3D, I'll like it better, and remember that I don't have to dodge the ESPN logos that fly in from above. Maybe I'll get used to the video game feeling and appreciate the depth and realism it offers. For now, a 3D television is not a necessity - a good thing considering my financial situation - although I still liked watching football in 3D better than Avatar.

What would Shawn Spencer say?

In honor of Psych, one of my top-five favorite basic cable comedy shows about a fake psychic detective agency, I've decided to start asking myself, "what would Shawn Spencer say?" or WWSSS for short (bracelets and other paraphernalia coming soon).

For example today, when a female co-worker told me "Wow, you look very un-slovenly today," SS would have S'd one of the following:

"Yes, but don't worry, tomorrow I'll return to my usual look, which I call 'homeless man riding on the No. 9 train to Slumsville with my trusty one-eyed, three-legged dog named 'Chipper' who only tolerates my oppressive stench because I let him eat out of my economy-size can of baked beans.'"

"Why, thank you. I recently tripped over something and discovered it was called an I-ron, and while it has extremely limited potential as a potato chip-maker, it turns out it can actually take wrinkles out of clothes."

"Wow, with friends to boost your ego like that, who needs parents?"

"Aww, you're too kind. When you say it like that, it almost doesn't sound like an insult."

"Hey, now. Don't be a carbon copy of Rachel McAdams' character in Mean Girls."

"Thank you. Can you keep a secret? They're coming for me today. The Children of the Corn. I've been applying and begging them to let me join for years, and this could finally be my big break."

"Well, I figured I should look my best for the back-handed compliment award ceremony we're having later today."

I didn't say any of these things. But I could have. Well, except for the one about the potato-chip maker. That's kind of a tongue-twister.

Anyway, you're on notice, fake compliment givers. And just in case anyone is still reading, I'll leave you with my favorite Spencer-ism of all time (so far):

Gus: How'd it go?

Shawn: Crashed and burned. Then somehow crashed again, in Chile, only to be eaten by my soccer teammates.

Ouch.

The peaks and valleys of biking to work in Birmingham

In my own modest attempt to decrease my personal impact on the planet, I've taken to riding a bike to work instead of driving.

I figured, hey Alabama's among the top-50 most bicycle-friendly U.S. states, so why not pedal my way to work every day?

Like the city in which I live and work, there are a number of peaks and valleys associated with being a bicycle commuter. Here are but a few:

Peaks:

• Exercise, yo - Since I work online, and work out about 1/10 as often as I post on Twitter, most of my time is spent hollowing out the perfect indention in my chair at the office or the recliner in my living room. Riding the bike at least gets some blood circulating before and after my work day.

• It's a great way to wake up - It's like coffee, but on a bike. We all know that it's possible to get in your car and drive to work in a virtual stupor every day and rely on caffeinated beverages to jolt your heart into actively pumping blood through all your veins and arteries. It turns out, there's a better way to wake up. On days when I bike to work, I feel significantly more alert and can usually hold out until 10:30 or so before my first infusion of caffeine. That's progress.

Vacation update: I found oil and missed Jimmy Buffett

And I'm back, live from the Gulf Coast. My original plan for the first week of vacation was to take in a free Jimmy Buffett concert in Gulf Shores, spend some cool-down time along the coast with the parents before heading over to Louisiana to catch up with some college friends.

Depending on how you look at it, I missed Buffett by either 24 or 48 hours. Buffett's originally-scheduled July 1 concert was canceled due to the impending impact of Hurricane Alex. Since my parents and I left Tuesday, June 29, for Panama City Beach, we decided to head through Gulf Shores and eat at Lulu's, the local restaurant owned by Jimmy's sister Lucy.

As we finished up our lunch by splitting a slice of Key Lime Pie Tuesday, little did we know that about 28 hours later, the man himself would be taking the stage in front of us in a surprise concert. 

After lunch, we headed over to Orange Beach, for a look at the beach. It didn't take long to see the dreaded tar balls, and some oil that still had its viscosity.  

The oil was hard to walk around, and almost impossible to get off our shoes once it got there. I tracked oil onto the floor mats in my car, even after ten minutes of rigorous stomping and scraping my sandals in the beach parking lot.

This was June 29, before Alex deposited fresh layers of goo across Gulf Shores on July 1. 

Thankfully, that was the extent of the oil impact on this vacation. Once we got to PCB, we saw no visible signs of oil, although there were reports of a few tar balls that had made it that far. Most of the time we were there, it was raining and there were double-red flags because of the undertow, but at least it was nature and not BP spoiling our fun. We did manage some walks along the beach, tremendous seafood dinners and two outings to flail about in the surf.

Now I'm headed over to New Orleans to catch up with two of my favorite people from undergrad. I am booked on an airboat tour of the Louisiana wetlands tomorrow. I'll have my trusty video camera handy, so we'll see what I can see.